inbox

[vex]

tbe

Comments

[vaax]

i pushed him.

if that makes it any easier to forgive him. i know he allowed it to happen, but maybe it wouldn't have if i hadn't pushed so hard.

of course.

i love you.

[vex]

I forgave him a long time ago, Vax.


I love you too.

[vaax]

maybe if i'm lucky i'll get there with you, too.

[vex]

if you're lucky.

[vaax]

i can't lose you to this.

[vex]

you know why this is so difficult?

[vaax]

tell me anyway.

[vex]

It's not that it was my marriage or husband.

It's that the possibility of hurting me either didn't occur to you, or wasn't enough to deter you.

Three times, Vax.

You're my other half. I just. I can't understand.

[vaax]

i'm sorry.

i'm --

just sorry.

[vex]

I know you are.

And I forgive you. I just.

My mind forgives you. But my heart needs time. Does that make any sense?

I want this feeling to go away and go back to normal as much as you do, gods do I, but it won't. And it won't for a while.

[vaax]

i'll be here for you when it does.
i've missed you so much, vex'ahlia. i'm not me without you.

[vaax]

i can tell when something is upsetting you you know
there’s something else going on
tell me

[vex]

would you like the list alphabetically or by order of how bothered i am

[vaax]

start with the things i don't already know about or... have a hand in

[vex]

i haven't


been able to adjust very well.

i went from no sleep to nothing but sleep, no private time to nothing but private time.

it's jarring. there isn't a little person i need to be waiting on hand and foot at all hours anymore and it's

i can't sleep.

[vaax]

i only met her for a moment, but i loved her the moment we met. she came to me before she came to you.

if i understand this place correctly, she's safe back home. she won't even notice you're gone. but you do, of course. she's part of you, and i understand that pain.

[vex]

you would have, wouldn't you.

it's different, this is

it's like when you first went, like my arm was missing.

but now, every day i feel like i'm failing her. like i'm not doing my best to get back to her, or something

[vaax]

i know this may not ease your anxieties, but most of the friends i've made here are trying to find a way home. plane shifting spells are ineffective from what i understand, and everyone's trying so hard to get back.

you're doing all you can. it's doubtful there's a solution you've missed by not looking hard enough.

[vaax]

i love you

[vex]

i love you too.

you can stop hiding now.

[vex]

it doesn't make me feel like less of a bad mother. i know that logically in this situation I'm not.

i just miss her. her and her 4pm snacktime and how she lights up at Percy, and the way she smells after she's bathed and the way she looks at me as she falls asleep.

i hate this place. i never knew what it meant before, and now

i find myself fantasizing about burning the place to the ground if it means i get to hold her at least a minute sooner.

[vaax]

are you certain i won’t wind up with an arrow in my arse if i do?

[vex]

im afraid killing you again is not on my short list of things to do, fucking my husband or no.

[vaax]

[ it’s difficult for vax’ildan to sympathize. this island has given him a new hope, second chances at life and the relationships he’d let slide in taldorei. he wants to stay, more than he ever has.

but this isn’t about him. ]

i understand the need. the want. and if home is where you want to go, i would bend heaven and hell to get you there. i’m sorry.

you don’t have to go through this alone. you know you’ll always have me, you are part of me. when you hurt, i hurt.

[vaax]

if it makes you feel any better, he hasn’t spoken a fucking word to me since your arrival

ahh— no, vex’ahlia, you didn’t kill me, i made a choice, let’s be clear on that